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Friday, December 16, 2011

My experience with the mental health field

Paolo Scotti is currently the Peer Support Worker for the West Metro ACT Team at Canadian Mental Health Association Toronto and happily thriving in his transformation from his "illness phase" into his "recovery journey”.

I had always considered myself as being very healthy. Maybe I was so confident of my mental and physical strength that I arrogantly dismissed the fragility of life. So, at the age of 31, when I was admitted into a general hospital’s psychiatric ward with a psychotic break, it was totally devastating and completely debilitating. I had no idea at the time, but it was the beginning of my chronic schizophrenia. I am not sure that the physical symptoms of schizophrenia were my worst enemy.

Possibly more damaging was the human reaction and judgment from others, including some mental health professionals when I was first hospitalized in 1992. For example, my hospital psychiatrist was extremely unsupportive. He would get annoyed and inpatient with me, treating me with disrespect rather than a whole human being. I don’t have problems with self-esteem or self-worth. I was just a human being in a vulnerable situation, turning to “professionals” for support and guidance when I didn’t know what was happening to me. I was hoping for compassion, empathy and especially understanding and an explanation. Instead, I was made to feel like it was my fault for what was happening.

For example, when I couldn’t express myself because of thought disorder (a symptom of schizophrenia which no-one told me about even after being in hospital for over a year), I was told I was always repeating myself and that it was “so boring”.  Or, when I would talk about the strength of my religious faith, I was treated with complete contempt, ripped to pieces and treated as a fool and ridiculed. I don’t expect anyone to share my faith, but why not respect my worldview, especially since it may have made the difference between life and death? Just because someone is very ill does not mean that they are any less human and void of feelings.

When I was out of hospital, my community worker was also unbelievably disrespectful. She totally dismissed my goals, desires and my expressed employment wishes. Instead, she literally imposed her ideology on me (based on social goals). She did not listen to me and had no respect for my support systems. She criticized the fact that I lived with my mother, a source of huge support for me. That seemed an issue for her.

Happily, things appear to have changed dramatically in the past 20 years. Now, I work as a Peer Support Worker at a community mental health organization. Every day, I see amazing work done by many outstanding individuals. The mental health system still needs to transform, but now it’s focusing more on a recovery-oriented, strength-based, patient-centered, wellness-focused approach and treating people more holistically.

But looking back, with honesty and without dramatizing, if it were not for proper treatment, for my mom (who was an incredible source of hope and non-judgmental love) and my faith, I might not be here today. Back then, I think I would have seriously considered committing suicide. In my opinion, everyone else, including some mental health professionals in the hospital and in the community, failed terribly. Maybe I was just unlucky. Now, my only professional mental health support is an amazing psychiatrist. All of my family are very supportive now that they understand. However, it is important to say that some professionals, supposedly trained to help you when you’re most vulnerable, may actually harm you more and push you over the edge if you are not aware.

Key Words: Menral Health, Patient Engagement

9 comments:

  1. Hi Paolo,
    Just a word to say that I was very touched by your story. I have been through a long major depression which started in 2001 and ended in 2003. Since then, I am in "perfect" mental and physical health without any medication. My experience in a mental health department for one year has been not easy, sometimes quite hard. But I must say that as a member of different committees in Mental Health and psychiatry department in hospital now, things have changed quite a lot, and in a much better and human way. We must talk about mental health more and more everywhere without shame or fear. It's a disease and patients need much support and understanding. As a "survivor" I started offering conferences about my experience in hospital and other places and people really appreciate.
    I hope that one day mental illness will be as respected as any other ones.
    Best,
    Myreille

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    1. Dear Myreille, thank you for your reply and for your kind words. I am so glad that in your own experience you are doing well and that now you are able to give back to others. I agree that we must talk more about mental health (especially as you said without shame and fear!). I wish you continued success in your conferences and in sharing your experience in a positive and constructive way; helping to create that day when mental illness and those who experience it will always be treated with respect and dignity.

      Take care.
      Ciao. Paolo

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  2. Hi Paolo ... When I first met you I was moved by your bright smile, your vitality and committment to bringing together PSWs in Toronto. You do great work and your story is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing and keep on doing this important work.
    Elly Litvak

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    1. Hi Paolo
      Your story is a very moving one and shared by many I can imagine.
      I am a mental health nurse in the UK and reading such an account only reinforces my desire to keep forging forward to make a positive difference in people's lives being a human being who cares first and not just a professional who cares but needs to meet targets.
      Take care and wishing you the very best.

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    2. Hi Elly! It is good to hear from you! Sorry for the late reply and thanks for your kind words. The feeling is totally mutual. I really respect and admire the work you do educating people on recovery, and you are an inspiration to me too (your bubbly character and great sense of humor are contageous!). Please keep doing too the great work you do.

      Take care. Hope to see you soon!
      Ciao. Paolo

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    3. Hi Elly! It is good to hear from you! Sorry for the late reply and thanks for your kind words. The feeling is totally mutual. I really respect and admire the work you do educating people on recovery, and you are an inspiration to me too (your bubbly character and great sense of humor are contageous!). Please keep doing too the great work you do.

      Take care. Hope to see you soon!
      Ciao. Paolo
      P.S. Apologies as it appears this message original got accidentally sent to another respondent.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your story. At the age of 31, something bad happened to me making me paranoid. I hope I recover one day and can go back to school and/or do what I love - help people just like you. You truly are a source of inspiration.

    Rosina Kamis
    Windsor, Ontario

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    1. Dear Rosina, thank you for your e-mail. I was also 31 years old when I became so paranoid, delusional, and psychotic that I had to be hospitalized. At the time, I was so unwell that I felt there was no hope; however, I want to reassure you that recovery IS possible and that you should never lose hope or the belief in your dreams and passions. I cannot predict the future, but I am hopeful that will be able to return to school and that once you are over the 'illness' phase of your life and into the recovery phase, that the journey you will have travelled will have made you a stronger, richer, more caring, compassionate, empathic person and thus equipe you to fulfill your goal of helping others. Keep the faith! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care. Ciao. Paolo

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  4. Thank you for your words of encouragement. :-)

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